I have had this post rambling around in my brain for weeks.. but no time to get it out! It really isn't a Mother's Day post, even if it falls around there. It's just something that I have been thinking about a lot recently.
I absolutely LOVE being a mother. I love my children more than ANYTHING, with the exception of the Lord. I would NEVER trade a day of being a mom for anything in the world. Yet there are times that I look at the things that I do daily in the name of motherhood and I am astonished! I have been thinking of all these things that I do in the name of motherhood. All of the things that I NEVER IN A MILLION years dreamed I would be doing. All of you mother's out there have these too right? I am not alone in my bafflement, right?
For instance, to birth 3 children I have spent 42 weeks of my life in bed on bed rest! 42 weeks out of 102 weeks of pregnancy in bed for medical reasons. That is 294 days...... Crazy!
Or how about birthing a child who goes straight to the arms of Jesus while I, her mommy, had to hang out here on earth? I don't think anyone imagines that pain or loss when they dream of pregnancy. I know it took the strength and encouragement of a community of believer to keep me here on earth too; I would have far rathered given up all on earth and followed her home to heaven. My being here today was not my strength, that was the strength of Christ poured through fellow believers in my life. The mommy in me longs for Taylor EVERY SINGLE DAY. Even now, 12 years latter.
Or how about the girl who passes out at a needle coming at her going through an experimental, high risk surgery to better the life of her child? Yep, I can't tell you how many times the doctors looked at me and asked "Are you SURE about this?" Yes, I was sure. But did they REALLY have to go through EVERY DETAIL of a 9 hour surgery with me???? And how about the every other day blood draws? Or the twice a week ultrasounds? Or the IV port I wore for three weeks? Or the IV drugs to stay off full blown labor for another day or two that lasted for 12 weeks? Or how about 12 weeks of being in labor? All in the name of motherhood.
How about the girl who already had one child in the arms of Jesus giving birth to a little boy 8 weeks premature? Living with the constant fear for months while he was so small, until I could FINALLY believe that the Lord was going to give me a chance to raise this child. I learned so much about complete trust and absolute surrender during that time. Trust and surrender that I fall on EVERY DAY of being a mother.
And while we are talking about medical things, how about the girl who gets queasy with blood and bodily fluids that has a child who needs catheterized every 2 to 3 hours? Or regular enemas? Or constant meds? How about being the mommy to a child who at the tender age of 9 has already endured 10 surgeries? And for all of them I have been right there by his side. And this is the same girl who gets ill when someone else vomits, that has a son who had sever reflux and vomiting for over four years of his life. Four years of vomit AT LEAST 5 times per day. Yes, the Lord is sure expanding my knowledge, comfort zone and idea of normal in the medical arena, all in the name of motherhood.
How about the young woman who was climbing the ladder in her chosen field stopping in mid stream and being a stay at home mommy to not only her own children, but also to high risk foster children? Then when that season was over, the Lord lead me into opening a business to serve families in my community, a business that was family friendly where my children could join me daily? All in the name of being the mother God called me to be.
How about taking a real look at my marriage and realizing that the only way for myself and my children to be safe and healthy was to walk away from my marriage? Realizing that no matter how much I crave to be treasured and loved unconditionally, the man I married was unable or unwilling to love that way. Realizing that he placed his addiction about the safety, security and health of his wife and children. And listening to the Lord when He REPEATEDLY (because I didn't listen so well at first) told me that I had to let all of the dreams go and walk away? In the name of making life as healthy and safe as I can for my children and I.
How about letting go of the dream of financial security, owning a home and the lifestyle I imagined, depending COMPLETELY on the Lord for our EVERY need. Daily wondering how those obligations are going to be met, but knowing without a doubt that the Lord will take care of it, even when I am scared. Trusting that he loves and cares for my children even more than I do, as only a mother can.
Then there is humbling one's self to do what is necessary, such as taking a job doing things you HATE doing, because that is what the Lord gives you! For years I hired a housekeeper for the sole purpose of cleaning my bathroom! I HATE cleaning bathrooms, yet I find myself daily scrubbing all of the restrooms at a local gas station because that is the job the Lord provided for me. Ironic hu? All in the name of motherhood and meeting the needs of my children in the way that the Lord has provided for me.
Or on a completely vain note, how about driving a mommy car that carries a wheelchair instead of the fun, sexy, power cars that I love?
And the one I NEVER EVER EVER imagined. How about being a single mom to two wonderful children, one with extreme medical and emotional needs? Terrifying. Simply terrifying every single day, but it is the road I walk in the name of motherhood.
There are so many things that I do everyday that I never dreamed I would be doing, but that I do with a glad and thankful heart now, because doing those things is what makes me the best mommy I can be! And being the the mommy God created me to be is the one things that matters above all else in my life. Someday I know that God will work all things together and I will see the fruit of his master plan, so for now I focus on the important task at hand of being mommy. Someday I will feel the love, drive the car, hand over the toilet brush, find a life partner and all of those other things, but for today I have the best job in the world. I am mom, and I embrace all that that entails!
I absolutely LOVE being a mother. I love my children more than ANYTHING, with the exception of the Lord. I would NEVER trade a day of being a mom for anything in the world. Yet there are times that I look at the things that I do daily in the name of motherhood and I am astonished! I have been thinking of all these things that I do in the name of motherhood. All of the things that I NEVER IN A MILLION years dreamed I would be doing. All of you mother's out there have these too right? I am not alone in my bafflement, right?
For instance, to birth 3 children I have spent 42 weeks of my life in bed on bed rest! 42 weeks out of 102 weeks of pregnancy in bed for medical reasons. That is 294 days...... Crazy!
Or how about birthing a child who goes straight to the arms of Jesus while I, her mommy, had to hang out here on earth? I don't think anyone imagines that pain or loss when they dream of pregnancy. I know it took the strength and encouragement of a community of believer to keep me here on earth too; I would have far rathered given up all on earth and followed her home to heaven. My being here today was not my strength, that was the strength of Christ poured through fellow believers in my life. The mommy in me longs for Taylor EVERY SINGLE DAY. Even now, 12 years latter.
Or how about the girl who passes out at a needle coming at her going through an experimental, high risk surgery to better the life of her child? Yep, I can't tell you how many times the doctors looked at me and asked "Are you SURE about this?" Yes, I was sure. But did they REALLY have to go through EVERY DETAIL of a 9 hour surgery with me???? And how about the every other day blood draws? Or the twice a week ultrasounds? Or the IV port I wore for three weeks? Or the IV drugs to stay off full blown labor for another day or two that lasted for 12 weeks? Or how about 12 weeks of being in labor? All in the name of motherhood.
How about the girl who already had one child in the arms of Jesus giving birth to a little boy 8 weeks premature? Living with the constant fear for months while he was so small, until I could FINALLY believe that the Lord was going to give me a chance to raise this child. I learned so much about complete trust and absolute surrender during that time. Trust and surrender that I fall on EVERY DAY of being a mother.
And while we are talking about medical things, how about the girl who gets queasy with blood and bodily fluids that has a child who needs catheterized every 2 to 3 hours? Or regular enemas? Or constant meds? How about being the mommy to a child who at the tender age of 9 has already endured 10 surgeries? And for all of them I have been right there by his side. And this is the same girl who gets ill when someone else vomits, that has a son who had sever reflux and vomiting for over four years of his life. Four years of vomit AT LEAST 5 times per day. Yes, the Lord is sure expanding my knowledge, comfort zone and idea of normal in the medical arena, all in the name of motherhood.
How about the young woman who was climbing the ladder in her chosen field stopping in mid stream and being a stay at home mommy to not only her own children, but also to high risk foster children? Then when that season was over, the Lord lead me into opening a business to serve families in my community, a business that was family friendly where my children could join me daily? All in the name of being the mother God called me to be.
How about taking a real look at my marriage and realizing that the only way for myself and my children to be safe and healthy was to walk away from my marriage? Realizing that no matter how much I crave to be treasured and loved unconditionally, the man I married was unable or unwilling to love that way. Realizing that he placed his addiction about the safety, security and health of his wife and children. And listening to the Lord when He REPEATEDLY (because I didn't listen so well at first) told me that I had to let all of the dreams go and walk away? In the name of making life as healthy and safe as I can for my children and I.
How about letting go of the dream of financial security, owning a home and the lifestyle I imagined, depending COMPLETELY on the Lord for our EVERY need. Daily wondering how those obligations are going to be met, but knowing without a doubt that the Lord will take care of it, even when I am scared. Trusting that he loves and cares for my children even more than I do, as only a mother can.
Then there is humbling one's self to do what is necessary, such as taking a job doing things you HATE doing, because that is what the Lord gives you! For years I hired a housekeeper for the sole purpose of cleaning my bathroom! I HATE cleaning bathrooms, yet I find myself daily scrubbing all of the restrooms at a local gas station because that is the job the Lord provided for me. Ironic hu? All in the name of motherhood and meeting the needs of my children in the way that the Lord has provided for me.
Or on a completely vain note, how about driving a mommy car that carries a wheelchair instead of the fun, sexy, power cars that I love?
And the one I NEVER EVER EVER imagined. How about being a single mom to two wonderful children, one with extreme medical and emotional needs? Terrifying. Simply terrifying every single day, but it is the road I walk in the name of motherhood.
There are so many things that I do everyday that I never dreamed I would be doing, but that I do with a glad and thankful heart now, because doing those things is what makes me the best mommy I can be! And being the the mommy God created me to be is the one things that matters above all else in my life. Someday I know that God will work all things together and I will see the fruit of his master plan, so for now I focus on the important task at hand of being mommy. Someday I will feel the love, drive the car, hand over the toilet brush, find a life partner and all of those other things, but for today I have the best job in the world. I am mom, and I embrace all that that entails!
1 comments:
You really touched me with this post. Stay strong and stay courageous...God hears his children's cries, and it sounds like you've got a smart head on your shoulders and some beautiful children.
Hang in there.
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